When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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