Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
