Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
