Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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