I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
