i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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