I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
