My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
