Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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