I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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