Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
