Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
