He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
