If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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