That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
