I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
