Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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