Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
