Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
