Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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