I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
