thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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