Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
