Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
