puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
