I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
