I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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