Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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