dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
