I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
