I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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