He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
