Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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