hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
