i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
