She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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