my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
