1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
