Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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