wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
