I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
