How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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