Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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