This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
