your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
