After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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