FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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