my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize