even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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