And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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