Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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