I am spending my child support on dildos
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize