WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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