im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
