ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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