yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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