but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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