Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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