my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
