my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize